VERB past and past participle of spend.
ADJECTIVE having been used and unable to be used again
synonyms: used up · consumed · exhausted · finished · depleted · drained 

This is actually one of my favorite photos from Piper’s intensive therapy. It represents the sheer exhaustion of giving every ounce of strength she had daily. Pulling herself forward on the scooter board was the last activity of each day. She hated it! We dreaded it also, because we had to come up with some tangible motivator to help her muster those last ounces of energy. She never quit. She lifted her head, protested with loud cries and tears, but she finished it every time.

How many days and hours do I feel spent and refuse to finish? What task is the Lord prodding me to accomplish, yet I lay down and cry? I often feel depleted and that I will never make it through the valleys. But, somehow I do.

Almost every definition of spent I found included the phrase “unable to be used again”. This is where the secular world is mistaken. Piper used every ounce of energy, yet each morning, the Lord graced her with renewed energy. She did not refuse to get out of bed. She may have protested and whined about walking in some days, but she did. Jesus said while dying on the cross, “It is finished,” but we know that was not the end. He died so that we can get up each morning with the opportunity to start again.

I look at this sweet picture of Miss Piper daily. It is a constant reminder to me that sad days will end, the struggles will wax and wane, there will be light in the dark places, and I will NOT accept that my life could be used up.

Let’s challenge each other to live a “spent” life. Let’s pick up our broken and tired bodies,  spend every ounce of life we have in loving our children, spouses, friends, and selves because our journey is not finished.

Water sustains life. People swim in it, bathe in it, ingest it, and probably would not describe it as dangerous. However, when you or a loved one aspirate, it becomes  dangerous. Piper, our daughter, was diagnosed as a silent aspirator at birth. My plans of breast feeding disappeared with the introduction of an NG tube and morphed into hours of pumping then gravity feeding her through a tube. My milk was supposed to be the base fluid of her living organism, yet it held the power to end it.

As she aged, we were able to get rid of the feeding tube but became tethered to thickener. The only way Piper could drink fluid was to have it thickened to the point that she would not aspirate.  Doctors use a test called an MBS, modified barium swallow, to determine if a person is aspirating. A person drinks fluids of different consistencies containing barium while being observed via radiation technology. Piper failed every MBS. So we started thickening liquids to honey consistency and a year ago finally graduated to nectar consistency.

What did this mean for our family? We could not allow her to play in the pool or bath without supervision and physically keeping her head above the water. She could not easily grab a juice box or water bottle at a gathering. Her teachers were not allowed to give her anything that I had not prepared to appropriate consistency. We even had to thicken liquid Tylenol or Benadryl. Jello, soup, and ice cream were not allowed.

A year ago, we restarted a therapy called Vital Stim. It is the placement of electrodes to the throat area for an hour a session, while actively swallowing,  and is supposed to strengthen the swallowing function. We had tried it when Piper was three years old, but it did not work. The Lord opened the door for us to get 48 vital stim sessions covered at  Phoenix Children’s Hospital last year. Piper did well, but was still aspirating. Schedules and paperwork kept us from being able to complete the therapy to efficacy.

Amazingly, in the past 2.5 weeks of vital stim at NAPA, Piper is thickener free! We have weaned her off of it and are cautiously introducing different drinks and cup types. This is a miracle that my sweet mother, Grams, prayed for and claims daily.

In addition to vital stim, the sweet speech pathologist at NAPA, has taught Piper to suck on a lollipop, stick her tongue out to lick a lollipop, and almost efficiently drink out of a straw.

In John 4:14 the Bible says, “but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”

We are blessed that this therapy opportunity came to fruition and has been such a success. Piper will have eternal life.

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As we reach the half way mark of our NAPA experience, I want to share what God is teaching me. This trip was all about Miss Piper. The goal was to give her the skills she does not instinctively have and to pattern in her the ability to use her strength. She is forced daily to move out of her comfort zone, asked to do things she does not understand, and told to change directions. I’m realizing a similar pattern to my life and God’s directions.

Piper has grown so much stronger since she was little. She had zero upper body strength and could not sit without falling over until after turning two.  God has blessed her with developing strength, but she does not quite know how to use it. She pushes when she should pull. She straightens when she should bend. She tries to sit when she should stand. These amazing therapists have to pattern the appropriate movements for her. It will take hours a day for three straight weeks to hopefully get her to recognize these new patterns. You can see the confusion in her eyes and her thoughts processing. We are learning to not rush her, give her time to respond, and figure out which muscles should move where.

God is like these physical therapists. He allows us to be put in situations over and over again to learn how to move differently. Often, we do not have the instinct to change directions for our own good. It is hard. It is uncomfortable. If we keep pushing through our discomfort and imbalance, we will be stronger like Piper. We will learn that sometimes changing directions is necessary.